I was overwhelmed after my last post. I knew friends and family would contact me, I was not expecting to feel the impact so quickly. I truly appreciate everyone that reached out — comments, texts, virtual hugs, in-person hugs, offers of coffee or tasty beverages, and reaching out without even mentioning the post — just, random stuff.
It reminded me, reality-checked me, I am not alone.
I am a lot better now. I’ve had two or three rough days since then. Once I became aware of what was really going on, why for weeks things sucked so bad, I was able to sit in the emotion and go through it. Yes — fucking feelings!
I have (had?) spent so much of my life eating my emotions and living in a constant state of numbness. Years of therapy and lots of practice in identifying my true state of mind. It’s weird to reflect that I have spent more of my life in unhealthy and destructive patterns than where I am today with tools, mindfulness, support and self-belief. No wonder I get overwhelmed to feel with this much intensity. It did frighten me.
…or…
…AND…
Reminders that I am human...I am allowed to be weak…ask for support…flawed.
I am also strong…stubborn…feisty…and determined.
Perfection is stupid and toxic.
(should put that on a coffee mug)
